Talking Silences
by Wedjatqi
Summary: John and Teyla are together and happy, but something has been playing on John's mind.  Written for the Beya Summer Prompt Battle. Complete.


**Warnings: **Fluffy! Set post S5 with some references to where Atlantis is in the Legacy Novels.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, and I make no money from this, so on and so forth, only my ideas are mine etc…

**Note: **This was written for the Beya Summer Prompt Battle, I will tell you which prompt inspired this at the end, otherwise it will spoil this fic a bit. I've not had much chance to write this last week, and I'm off on a week's trip on thursday, so I can't make any promises re posting in general. I've got so much to sort before going away and I will be visiting several different people and going to a school friend's wedding, so busy busy busy. I will try my best to get a couple more chapters of Dark Shadows Rising posted, but no promises I'm afraid – don't worry, once I'm back home I will be back on it though.

**Note2: **This fic was also inspired by the great fic 'Connecting Doors' by artaxastra (can be found at her Livejournal page), check it out.

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It was always difficult the talking, the being normal and knowing the right thing to say. It was easier on duty, where a casual slightly irreverent joke made people smile and accept him.

Dad had always hated his sense of humour, but John had found that it had saved his butt more times than he would admit. It was the tool of the uncomfortable, of the out of place, because if you make people laugh, they like you. Most of the time. Sure it hadn't made that Afghani soldier like him, but the out of place joke had thrown the guy just long enough for John to take advantage and ultimately escape his imprisonment.

A casual joke could work wonders. If that didn't work then a pointed teasing comment was good, but if that didn't work, then John usually went with silence. He had never been any good at the talking thing after all.

Except now things were different. He was in a relationship that he really cared about and suddenly the fact that he couldn't do the talking thing bothered him.

She liked his humour, and she could make him smile, which was nice for a change – to be the one that was made to laugh. He liked teasing her too, because she teased back and he liked the playfulness.

She also liked silences. In fact they could walk all round a pier, hand in hand, and barely a word was said except the little reminders to Torren about staying close and how he shouldn't climb on that Ancient sculpture.

Watching the sea breeze lift a lock of her hair, brushing it across her cheek to dance around her face, he struggled to work out if he was supposed to be talking. After all she liked the silences.

He had been telling her jokes on the way to the pier today, hands resolutely not holding tight because there were far too many people around. Not that the whole city didn't know about them and that they had adjoining quarters now, and from a few months ago Torren had started calling him 'Daddy John'.

Teyla had never said anything about that, or about the not holding hands in public thing.

He looked away from her dancing lock of hair and looked out across the chilled frosty ocean around the east pier. Whatever materials the Ancients had used to build the city were thoroughly frost proof and through some sort of internal off shoot of the heating system the walkways of the pier were kept just warm enough to prevent ice from forming. It was cold, but wrapped up well, he and Teyla walked along at least one pier every day that they could, Torren scurrying, skipping (John had long since given up explaining to him that only girls skip), running and falling over. Torren had almost as much energy as Ronon, but a good late afternoon walk after his dinner, usually wore the boy out and John had gotten used to the ritual of their walks. Teyla hated being shut inside all day if she wasn't out on a mission. He felt the same.

Up ahead, Torren skidded through a shallow pool of melted fallen snow that Atlantis refused to allow to freeze into ice. He grumbled at the lack of skating action, which he loved to do on New Athos. He usually ended up on his backside, but he kept at it with the playful determination of kids everywhere. John suspected that given a few years, the kid could get pretty good and he had even imagined an ice hockey career for his stepson. Except Torren wasn't technically his stepson, but John thought of him that way.

It was another one of those subjects that he didn't talk about.

He thought about it a lot though.

He looked back to Teyla at his side. Frost was gathering on her long dark lashes as she carefully supervised Torren's continuing attempts at skating further down the pier.

She seemed relaxed and comfortable. She liked these quiet times, her hand warmed by his, her fingers intertwined with his tucked inside his coat pocket. He liked the gentle familiar weight of her hand with his in his pocket. Another ritual. One they never spoke about.

A sharp cry and a loud grunt heralded another failed skate attempt and John looked round, but Teyla was already asking if Torren was alright. Torren was already up, one of his sides almost soaked through, but he wouldn't care. He looked a little shaken from this fall though. Still a couple of metres away from him, John asked if he was okay and the boy grinned from under his large woollen hat and shrugged it off. John told him to work on his balance, but Torren was already running off again, his new target the low walls that outlined the buildings at this end of the east pier. Teyla issued a reminder to be careful, but Torren ignored it.

Teyla was a good Mom. She was patient, understanding, let Torren make mistakes, but she was also the disciplinarian when she needed to be. John had only been on the receiving end of her temper a couple of times, and he planned to avoid it again. Not that he hadn't given as good as he had gotten. And the make up sex had been amazing!

He glanced back to her walking at his side. She sensed his attention this time and looked round at him with that same soft undemanding smile. Silent, but her eyes held a question – is everything alright? Is there something you want to talk about?

He smiled at her, everything was fine, and looked back to the icy world beyond the end of the pier. The buildings were thinning out and the vast stretch of ice water beyond filled the view, snowy clouds hovering over the distant horizon.

Her fingers snuggled among his a little tighter and she pressed her side closer against his.

In silence they watched Torren jump down from a wall and rush away across the open flat space at the end of the pier. John watched the boy run, full pelt. John remembered the young thrill of just running in a park. It felt like nothing was expected of you and that you could just run and play, lost in your imagination, running free. Summer vacations from school had seemed to last forever and the days had always been sunny bright and long.

Childhood.

The subject had been lingering through his mind for a long time now. Since he had really settled into his new quarters, which in truth had just been an extra room connected to Teyla and Torren's space. Their lounge room felt like his too, Teyla's small kitchen space had become his kitchen too, his fridge and coffee maker in there for her to use. There was one bathroom for them both and he spent every night in her bed. He was 'Daddy John' and they all lived together, it was just that his stuff was in 'his' room. Not that he spent much time in there. Truthfully it was just where he kept his clothes, and did his work. A study really. Teyla even used it when she needed to write a report quietly leaving John to look after Torren.

It wasn't the only spare room though. There were two more, but one was a storage space for a lot of Teyla's Athosian gear and old things of Torren's. A lot of old stored toys and baby clothes that hadn't been passed onto anyone else because there were no other kids in the city. Except that Keller was pregnant now and Rodney was going to be a dad and so Teyla had pulled out the boxes. John had found her and Keller going through them all, but Rodney had already blurted out the secret to him a month before. The guy was pretty stressed about impending fatherhood.

John had left the women to their cooing noises over the cute little baby clothes, but he had peered in through the open door later to see the mass of baby things spread out around them. Then he had found his eyes wandering away to that other unused room. The one that they hadn't really put anything in. An empty room that had felt even more empty as Keller had taken away large armfuls of baby clothes. John had carried the rest of the stuff in a box back to her and Rodney's quarters for her. Rodney had greeted Keller with worried questions about how she was feeling, over-reacting as usual. She was barely three months pregnant – John had to wonder how Rodney was going to last the next six without ending up in the Infirmary.

Teyla had seemed fine handing over Torren's old things. She hadn't bated an eyelash. Most guys would worry that their lady was going to get all broody after something like that. Turned out he didn't have to worry about Teyla like that. Except, she liked her silences and he was being to wonder what she might be thinking about during those zen like silent times of hers. He had just assumed that her mind would be quiet as well, unlike his that was still churning away like now. Maybe she was over thinking things too, maybe she was thinking about the same things as him. She hadn't said anything if she was, but then she knew he wasn't any good at the talking thing.

He glanced at her now, wrapped up cosily in her thick dark green coat. Halling had given John a thick Athosian winter coat too, having made it himself, so John had to wear it. It had just been a thoughtful gift given alongside Teyla's. Matching coats. Except John knew that it was an Athosian tradition for married couples to wear coats of the same fabrics, since a couple would have made their clothes together it made sense, but the gift had said a lot. As did the fact that the other Athosians treated John like Teyla's husband already, though they never said anything, but John knew a lot about Athosian culture now. He could even write in Athosian, something that he had picked up in watching Teyla teach Torren, after all John should be able to read what Torren could. However, John thought he should learn more than 'B is for Bird' kid's stuff, so he had dug into the research the city scientists had recorded about Athosian language. Teyla had seen his scribbles though and had asked why he had felt that he couldn't ask her to teach him more. He had been forced into the admission that he felt a little weird at asking. It was another sign that he was more than a little invested in their _not_ really shared quarters and their not quite married status. No pressure was great, but there were times when…

The empty room.

It had been playing on his mind a lot, which wasn't hard when Rodney did nothing but fret about Keller and the 'bun in the oven' as Lorne referred to it. That and 'Mini-McKay'.

John had to wonder what kind of dad Rodney as going to make, but Rodney and Keller were married a year now, and though the pregnancy had been a surprise for them, they were both pleased. Which meant that soon there would be another kid in Atlantis, and perhaps even another if Teyla's gossip was right about Captain Legg. John had already authorised light duties for the Captain due to 'health issues', so he was pretty sure Teyla's source was right. Two babies by the end of the year. Woolsey was already talking about a crèche and eventually setting up a proper little nursery school. The SGC had their own version back on Earth apparently, since Colonel Carter had had her twins.

There were plenty of kids on New Athos as well. With the Athosians happily settled for several years now, refugees from a few other worlds had joined them and the camp was as large as John had ever seen it. Athosians who had lived on other planets before had begun moving their new families to New Athos in a push to re-establish their people after the cullings of Old Athos and Michael. There were loads of kids for Torren to play with and with other babies around another would fit in just fine in the camp.

John watched Torren now, arms spread-eagle and made up Jumper noises bubbling from him as he ran large circles, angling his arms through the turns. John remembered doing that when he was a kid. Sometimes, when no one else was looking, John would join in the game with Torren, running turns and making engine noises.

Torren's Jumper path brought him in large circles around John and Teyla as they rounded the end of the pier and started back along their routine route back towards the centre of the city. Torren made firing noises at a passing pigeon. The pigeon hitchhikers had settled into the city a little too well – there was a full flock of them now, but Zelenka kept them fed and under control. One must have escaped the evening return to the roost or perhaps Zelenka hadn't yet shut them in for the night.

Teyla told Torren off for frightening the nervous pigeon, so Torren began firing at an imagined clone army instead – he had gotten into the Star Wars movies recently.

Teyla pulled her fingers free from John's, her hand lifting out of his pocket and she stepped around behind him to his other side. John pulled his other hand from his pocket, waiting for her other hand, and their fingers tangled together before snuggling into the other pocket. She liked him to warm both her hands. Another ritual that he enjoyed. He rubbed his fingers against hers to chase away the lingering chill that her hand had gathered alone in her pocket.

Torren was waging a personal war against two clone armies and Wraith darts now as he ran on ahead of them. Winning of course.

John wondered what Torren would think if the empty room was filled. Would he think he wasn't good enough or that John didn't love him as much? And did Teyla even want to fill the room anyway? If she did, then would she want to with John? These were the kind of thoughts that had been circling around in John's head at night, lying in the dark silences, Teyla fast asleep beside him.

She mumbled in her sleep sometimes, which always made him smile. Sometimes he could make out the odd specific word or name here and there. She said his name a lot, which especially made him smile.

She had bad dreams some nights though. He had plenty himself, though not as many as before - before he had started sleeping in her bed. Now, if he woke up tormented by twisted nightmarish memories he could reach out to connect with her warmth in the night. She didn't even wake up sometimes, she trusted him that much. Would she trust him to provide more though?

He should just start up the conversation.

When do you talk about these kinds of things? He should have said something last night when they went to bed, or perhaps during the last three week's worth of evenings that he had been thinking about this. Thing was he was usually exhausted when he went to bed, or otherwise he and Teyla had other plans in mind. Times when Torren was asleep in his room and when they were unlikely to be called on duty had to be taken full advantage of in their mutual opinion.

So it would have to be later tonight, once Torren had gone to bed and they were alone. Maybe he could start with the empty room.

"Do you have plans this evening?" Teyla asked abruptly into the silence, breaking his thoughts and making him worry for a moment whether she could actually read his mind.

"No," he replied. "I'm off duty till 0600 tomorrow now. I switched with Lorne because he's got that physio thing for his knee."

Teyla nodded.

"Why? You asking me out on a date?" He joked.

She smiled. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and she had buried her jaw further into the high deeply lined collar of her Athosian coat.

"Jennifer wanted to visit, but I was not sure if you had plans," she replied.

"No," John replied, feeling faintly disappointed that he wasn't going to get Teyla to himself tonight. It wasn't like they were still in that first stage of going out when they removed themselves from anyone else and only saw each other. Teyla had friends in the city and she had her poker night and tons of sparring partners. He had sparring with Ronon, time with Rodney, plenty of extra work hours, and of course the ever likely possibility of a crisis that would pull him away to the Control Room. They didn't live in each other's pockets and he liked that. However, tonight his plan to talk about the room might be thwarted.

"I can meet with Jennifer another night," Teyla offered.

"No, no, you do what you want," John replied, in the usual little conversational dance they often did in arranging time together. They had busy lives and with Torren taking up much of their free time, they didn't always have that much time left for them. "I'll see what Ronon's doing."

"I believe he is training Rodney this evening," Teyla informed him.

"I thought that was a joke," John replied. Rodney had made some comment about Ronon teaching him to fight again. The last time they had tried that years ago, Rodney had gotten really beat up, Ronon had lost his temper too often, and they had called the whole thing off after a few days.

"Rodney feels that he must be able to defend his child," Teyla replied, walking closer to his side again, feeling the cold and using him as her own personal body warmer. He liked keeping her warm. He had found that just a suggestive comment at the right moment could warm her considerably.

"Keller will be able to 'defend their child' better than Rodney," John replied.

Teyla nudged him with her shoulder in a silence telling off, but she was smiling. She had tried to teach Rodney some bantos fighting once, but it hadn't worked out either. Truthfully, the three of them in their old team had taught Rodney enough bits and pieces over the years so that he could put up a fight, sometimes, but he would never be a fighter.

"Want to bet how long Ronon will put up with him this time?" John asked her.

Teyla shook her head, acting like he was wrong to suggest it, but he could read the smile too well now.

"I say three days again, maybe four," John considered.

"Rodney is highly motivated to learn this time," Teyla replied. "Torren, be careful," she added louder to where Torren was clambering up on a ledge he had spotted about a metre off the ground.

"I say four days," John repeated waiting for to make her own prediction.

"A week," Teyla replied after a pause.

"A week?" John replied surprised. "I thought he was 'highly motivated'?" He copied Teyla's voice and she nudged him again, breaking their stride slightly. He nudged back. "Have you so little faith in Rodney?" He teased.

"You predicted four days," she argued.

John shook his head with exaggerated sympathy. "Poor McKay."

Teyla slapped his arm with her other hand before burying it back into her pocket. "What are we betting to win?"

John considered that question carefully. "Mmmm, a few things come to mind. I liked what I won last time." He grinned at her, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I do not think you won that bet fairly. How was I to know that Woolsey actually did have a leather dog's collar in his quarters?"

"I told you," John replied grinning.

"You implied it had another purpose, not that was literally a small dog's collar from his beloved past pet," she replied.

"I never said _he_ wore it," John argued.

"You implied as much," Teyla replied into their playfulness, the comfortable silences gone for now. "Him or someone else to wear for him," she added.

"I didn't," John argued weakly, but he had played that last bet really well.

"You set me up," Teyla replied, smiling up at him accusingly. "Do not pretend otherwise. You simply wanted what you won."

"It's not like you didn't enjoy yourself," John pointed out, the memories of that night would be nicely engrained for some time.

"I almost caught a chill from being out on that balcony," she replied looking away.

"I kept you warm, didn't I?" John asked, leaning down closer to her. She pretended to ignore him so he pressed a kiss to her chilled cheek just above her coat's collar. She leant into the small kiss for a moment before he stood up straight again.

"I have decided what I will win," she stated. Her voice was lower, even though Torren was in the distance, standing on a low plinth looking out at the sea. He was getting tired finally.

"I'm telling you, Rodney's not going to last four days, and even if he could, Ronon won't be able to put up with him for that long sparring," John responded.

Teyla looked up at him and there was a devilish sparkle in her eyes. "I will decide what I will win this time, and I fully expect to win this one."

"You're making out that I always win, you won that bet about McKenzie and the flour, and that giant plant in the botany lab," he reminded her.

"Yes, I particularly enjoyed that win," she replied.

John pulled a face. He hadn't enjoyed doing all the washing up for a month in their small kitchen.

"Stupid hair eating alien plant," John muttered. "If I win then this time _you_ do all the washing for _two_ months."

She lifted an eyebrow and didn't object which made him worry about what she had in mind if she won. She had enjoyed their little escapade out on that balcony, and no one had seen them, so he was sure she wasn't out for revenge, but there was that devilish glint in her eyes still.

"When I win, _you_ will wear a collar for me," she told him.

He hadn't expected that. "Not Woolsey's," he objected worriedly.

"No, of course not," Teyla replied with a grin. "I know just where I can find a collar that will fit you."

"Excuse me?" John asked, pausing in their walk and with her hand in his pocket she was forced to stop with him. "Where exactly are these collars?"

She grinned. "I meant I know a market stall on a planet that sells strong leather collars for cattle and smaller animals."

John narrowed his eyes at her.

"Is this some little fantasy you've been keeping to yourself?" He asked in a low voice, making sure Torren was still some distance off before meeting her sparkling eyes again.

She tugged on his hand to get them walking again. "No, but I am forming one now."

"Really?" He asked with more interest now, though still not sure about the collar wearing bit. It could be alright, he had just never been into anything like that before. "Will I like this fantasy?"

"You will have to wait and see," she responded.

"I thinking I want to change what I will win," he added.

"No, it is too late now, you cannot take it back, those are the rules," she replied.

It was an argument that he used a lot in their playful little betting game, and she had used it against him before.

"Don't think I won't forget this next time though," he said as they walked on.

Up ahead, Torren was crouched on the ground, one of his toy cars pulled out from a pocket that he was racing it in circles through a puddle.

Teyla was quiet again as they walked towards Torren. John glanced at her, wondering if she was thinking about her new fantasy.

"I should meet with Jennifer tonight," she said, "then when Torren is with Kanaan tomorrow we can have the entire evening together. I will be at the trading negotiations the following evening with Halling."

"Okay," John replied, his mind back on practicalities and the fact that he would have the whole of the quarters completely to himself that night. Torren would be with Kanaan for a few nights and Teyla would be staying on New Athos after her negotiations. He liked having the big flat screen to himself, but the bed always felt empty and he even missed the chance that he would be woken up by a three year old jumping on the end of the bed.

Which brought him back round to what had been on his mind for weeks now. He didn't want to be left in empty quarters thinking about that empty room again. He would rather talk about it now. He just wasn't sure how to start a conversation like this.

He glanced at her beside him again.

"So, does Keller want more of Torren's old stuff tonight?" He asked.

"No, we were planning to simply sit and go through my old pregnancy books. Surprisingly, for a medical doctor, she has a lot of questions," Teyla replied.

"I guess knowing the facts is different from living through something yourself," John considered.

"Yes," Teyla replied. "I believe she will be an excellent mother."

"Sure. Not sure about Rodney though," John joked weakly.

"He will be fine," Teyla replied. "He will work it out as he goes."

John nodded, but he had run out of subject matter…

"So, um, she going to take more of Torren's things? There are a lot of boxes in there…"

"She took mostly things for the crib and a few of the smallest clothes, as well as the books."

John nodded again. "She's taking Torren's old crib? I thought that was with someone in the Athosian camp."

"Yes it is. Rodney wants them to have what he terms a 'proper safe crib' from Earth," Teyla replied with faint disapproval in her voice at Rodney's unintended insult to her people's crib making.

"Torren's crib was nice," John argued for her. "Though you liked the travel cot that we got you for him."

"Yes, that was very useful," Teyla replied.

There was a pause.

"You going to give her that as well?" He asked.

"I had not thought of it yet, we only discussed clothes and cribs." He could hear the curiosity in her voice at the fact that he was still talking about this subject.

"Only, I was kind of…um," he struggled, feeling more than a little anxious now. He looked ahead to see that Torren was rolling the little car back towards them, but taking his time to stop and circle the car around any puddles. Happy they had a few moments to talk and that Torren was unlikely to get into any trouble, he took a breath and stopped, Teyla stopping with him. He turned slightly to look down at her.

"I've been meaning to maybe talk to you about something," he began. Teyla waited with her usual patience, her eyes watching him closely. "For a while now to be honest, I was thinking about our quarters, yours and mine, and…"

"_Our_ quarters," Teyla clarified with a knowing smile.

"Our quarters," he agreed with a smile, glad she felt the same way. "I was thinking about the small spare room, the one without all the crates, boxes and surf boards," he said.

He saw instantly that she understood what he was talking about and a sense of relief rushed through him, because he could see that she wasn't worried or nervous talking about this. She looked surprised, her dark beautiful eyes wide, and looking up at him with an almost smile. She was waiting for him to finish, but he held her eyes for a moment longer, the awareness of the fact that she was on the same page a crazy wonderful feeling. She wanted this too. She really was happy with him, trusted him.

"I was wondering how you felt about maybe adding someone else to our quarters," he finished.

She smiled softly, glanced away to check on Torren for a moment and looked back to John. "Are you certain that you wish this? I would not want you to feel that-"

"I'm sure," John replied immediately, and it felt good to say it out loud. "If you don't mind keeping me around," he joked slightly.

She squeezed his hand still in his pocket with hers and she rose up on her toes. John lowered his head to meet her mouth with his. Her lips were faintly cool on the surface, but warm once they pressed tight to his.

Their lips parted, but she didn't move too far away. "I would very much wish to keep you around," she replied, her warm breath mixing with his.

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>THE END<br>P.S - The prompt used was 'Daddy', and with reference to another prompt 'Sex on a balcony'.


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